English as my students see it.

It's exam-marking time again and, as usual, I have some real winners. This is how my students see English. Some of these students have studied English intensely for a decade or so....

First, the "find the wrong word and correct" type of exercise. For example the incorrect sentence "He open the door and stepped into the light" would be corrected as "He OPENED the door and stepped into the light."

• She was found guilt BY murder.
• If you are luckily, you MAY get away with a fine of $800.
• He might impose a five-year prison sentenced on the CRIMINOLOGY.
• Many CRIMES are let off with a fine these days.

Next, some true and false:

• Salmon is a kind of shellfish. TRUE
• Good study habits require planning; you can't just study when you think you have free time. FALSE
  (No wonder these kids aren't learning anything!)
• The best way to learn vocabulary is by studying vocabulary for two hours once per week instead of studying ten minutes every day. TRUE
• A quick way to expand on vocabulary is to learn the different forms of a word (like "construct" and "construction") at the same time. FALSE
• It is not possible to learn English vocabulary on your own. TRUE
  (GAH!)

How about some opposites?

• The opposite of "fatty meat" is "thinny meat".
• The opposite of "cooked onions" is "fresh onions".
• The opposite of "tough meat" is "sturdiness meat".
• The opposite of "fatty meat" is "gaunt meat".
• The opposite of "tasteless food" is "dulcet food".
  (Someone snuck an electronic dictionary into the exam for the above two I see. Ironically he still only scored 54%...)

And some free-style fill-in-the-blank work. The filled-in answers are in CAPITALs.

• ...English idioms are typically formed of similes and DIFFICULT.
• ...English idioms are typically formed of similes and SENTENCES.
• More modern idioms, however, especially in business, are based upon the TRUTH metaphor...
  (So that's why all the cheating here! Truth is metaphorical!)

Meanwhile, in the listening section, we've got gems like:

• Name of his FIST: Siti
  (The missing word was actually "wife"....)